Coyote Goes Snowboarding By Phil Knight

Big Sky, drawn by the promise of the "most vertical feet in the US." 

Ermine raved about the Lone Peak Tram, which, he said, would deposit 

them at the top of Lone Peak.  He did not explain how they were to 

get back down.

               
At the pro shop a surly young man with blue hair rented 

Coyote a board called a "Barfoot." It was a wicked-looking thing, and 

Coyote could not help staring at the graphic on the bottom, which 

featured a barely-clad female wrapped in a large snake. The snake's 

head appeared to be missing. Coyote inquired whether he was to lie 

down on the board, sit on it, or send it down the hill on its own. 

The blue-haired guy glared at him. Ermine rolled his eyes.

               
They walked outside and Coyote stared about in consternation. 

He looked up at the tramway and suddenly ducked and scurried 

sideways. "What the hell are those things??" he hollered, pointing at 

the bubble-like tram cars as people began to stare at him.

               
Coyote asked Ermine if the tram was carrying people up to be 

sacrificed to the god of Lone Peak. "No,” answered Ermine. "They are 

going skiing."  "Then why do they wear their colorful ceremonial 

dress?" asked Coyote. Ermine assured Coyote it was safe, and they 

stood in line for the tram. Coyote kept turning about to stare at the 

oddly-dressed humans sliding about on the snow, and managed to smack 

a child with his snowboard. It wailed loudly until Coyote gave it a 

sticky, used candy cane from his pocket.

               
Coyote's tail got caught in the door of the tram as they 

loaded, and he howled in protest. He tugged at the door as the tram 

ascended, and one of the other passengers, a stout Texan with a 

cowboy hat and yellow snow suit, yelled at him to leave the door 

alone. Coyote succeeded in opening the door, freeing his tail, and 

hurling the Texan out the opening. Tex landed in a deep drift, and 

emerged shaking his fist. His hat ended up high in a tree.

               
They arrived at the top of Lone Peak. Coyote was chagrinned 

to see what had been done to this mountaintop to erect the massive 

tram. He dropped his board and stalked over to the ski patrol shack, 

pounding on the door and scowling.

               
"Can I help you?" asked the tan, friendly patrol god.

        
"Why have you desecrated this sacred mountain??" howled coyote. 

"There must be a sacrifice, or the mountain gods will destroy us!!" he wailed.

 The patroller was dumfounded.

              
Seizing a shovel from the patrol shack, coyote barged in the 

back door of the tram tower and rammed the shovel into the machinery 

which runs the tram.  Sparks flew; gears ground, a horrible gnashing 

of metal ensued. Coyote pranced with glee. Ermine wisely took off on 

his board down the south side of the mountain, taking advantage of 

the commotion. The tram ground to a halt. Ten shaken, neon-clad ski 

geeks emerged from the last tram car to reach the top.

              
 "Are there any virgins among you?" bellowed Coyote.