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Morning Light Shorts and Ecology By Tim Sandlin “We have a couple of
provisions along any visually sensitive area that no development could
take
place that would modify the experience of the area in the foreground.” Underwear first, since that’s the more serious subject. There are two types of men’s underwear for two types of men – jockey and boxer. You want to get the dry stare of the year, give a man the wrong kind for Christmas. I can only think of a few causes that consistently stir the dander of most men – Chevy vs. Ford, artificial turf vs. grass, jockey vs. boxer. Peter is a boxer man. He believes baseball played on a rug is sacrilegious and he doesn’t give a hoot for Fords or Chevys either one. Here’s the basic argument. Jockeys look sexier on a guy. Boxers make most men look like that skinny-legged janitor with the huge Adam’s apple you remember from the municipal swimming pool back in So it’s a question of look sexy or be sexy longer. To Peter, this is no more a tough choice than deciding whether to imitate guys who take steroids simply so they’ll look like studs on the beach when in reality they have the fertility of an orange grove in Bondurant. Which brings up the quote at the beginning of the column. It didn’t come out of any written report or bureaucratic publication, a Forest Service guy actually said that while he was hanging around the office, shooting the breeze. I won’t identify the quote because it is against Pym policy to harass any government employees below GS-13. For those who don’t know how to talk Forest Service, “visually sensitive areas” means “road” and “the experience of the area in the foreground” means “see.” In English, the quote says, “We’d rather not have stuff you can see from the road.” Which brings us back to underwear. There are two types of underwear. There are two types of environmentalists – the ones who want to protect the environment and the ones who want to protect the view. We need both – they’re as important to society as boxers and jockeys – but to me, it’s a no-contest deal on which is the higher quality. To find out what type of environmentalist you are, answer the following question: Which would upset you the most, an oil well in the Jenny Lake parking lot or an oil well in the dead center of the Gros Ventre Wilderness. An oil well in the But a well, and the road to it, in the Gros Ventres – or the So here’s the deal all you Jackson Hole Sierra Club Alliance Fund for the Animals tree huggers, it’s time to face motivations. Boxer or jockey? Look good or be good? It’s just fine to fight for land values, views, backyard ecology, but to do so in the name of the environment while ignoring the environment is steroids in a beach bum. |
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